7th draft-- comments and critique welcome

EDIT #5:

Not a whole bunch of revisions here, mainly just the Sparrow and Swan story, again. I think it flows much smoother now and parallels the story that it's supposed to tell much stronger than it did in original drafts. There's also a few changes to dialogue here and there and interactions that Daniel has. It wasn't anything big like I said, but I definitely still need some feedback overall. I thank everyone again for being so supportive of this project-- it means so much!

EDIT #4:

Tweaked a few things in the "Sparrow and Swan" story. Mainly just the language here and there to make it smoother and to make it a bit easier for me when the story is retold later in the novel. I still want to fix it up a bit more since I'm not 100% pleased with it currently, but I think it's better than it was before.

EDIT #3:

Made some changes based on the lovely critique I received for this chapter! I added a little bit more in some areas and tweaked the wording of other places to make it fit better with Chapter 3, and am still working on revising some of the sentence structure, etc. from other comments. I thought I would share this draft in the meantime, since I am behind on posting Chapter 4 due to my jobs, but I do plan on getting it posted soon. Thanks again for all the help!

EDIT #2:

I thank you all for being so very patient with me with the posting of this chapter. It's been a few months, but I'll hopefully be having more time to actually sit down and write now, so I'm hoping that this won't become a habit. As I mentioned before, this "Chapter 2" is the NEW Chapter 3 that has never been posted! PLEASE give it a read over and PLEASE give me your opinions. I haven't gotten it proofread at this point (some people will be reading it over soon), so there are bound to be small things I missed and sections that really need fixing. I'm also in the same spot as I was with Chapters 1 & 2 last time where I may want to combine this chapter and the next into one Chapter 2. I'll need opinions about that as I go, however. (I don't want to make the chapters TOO long). Anyway, here is the long awaited Chapter 2 (3) of Fiction! I hope you all enjoy and please, leave me your feedback! All of it is extremely helpful to me. Thanks again for your patience and support!

EDIT #1:

As promised, I went back in and added more to the scene with Peter and Daniel leading up to Chapter 3 (since I finally decided how I'm going to work that out). I also added a little more to the beginning and some other small bits of conversation throughout to tighten it up more than the quick first draft had been. I hope that it's a tad more enjoyable now and at least will help me get back on track with posting Chapter 3 within the next week or so. As always, thank you to my lovely girlfriend for running some edits on this for me! I'll be sending this off to my editor at Hachette in the next few days, so I'll probably update this again when they come in. Thank you again for all your support on this project! It's been amazing!

Original Author's Comments:

Happy Valentine's Day

As I promised, here's Chapter 2 of my current novel project Fiction. This is only the first draft of this so far and there are some things that I want to go back in and edit and add to this, so expect some updates probably within the next week or so. I was stuck for a while deciding what I want to happen with Chapter 3 and I came to some options that would require a few more things added to this right now, but I thought that I'd post it as it currently is for some feedback (and since I've been getting so many comments looking for this chapter!) Thank you again to my lovely girlfriend for reading this over and editing it for me quickly. My friend at Hachette Book Group will also be editing this once I get one of the later drafts up and posted. Enjoy!

Looking for more of Fiction?

Click here for the Prologue
Click here for Chapter 1
Click here for Chapter 3


Fiction © Dorian J. Harper