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OsteoperosisWords and bones
are sticks and stones
and they will surely kill me
Rose Scented Ashes III - SchoolFast forward a few years...
Daniel was now about four, five years old, and getting ready for his first day of school, of Kindergarten. His mother had recently suffered another bout of infuriation toward Valance, who had made one remark about "What happens if the other children find out Daniel's partly plant?" Apparently, she had assumed he meant to reveal it to the other kids, and instantly snapped, chucking a vase at his head, and - thankfully - missing.
Suppose she really didn't want me to have any part in his life, Valance thought as he leaned back in the chair at his desk, reading by the sunlight, slate-violet eyes not really seeing the words on the page in front of him. Not beyond giving him a name - which she has probably already claimed as something she thought of anyway. No, not probably, he already knew as much from the whisperings he tuned in on.
As he listened to the tumult outside of his door, of the babysitter attempting to get the rowdy young c
Imitating NatureThe morning sun streamed through a series of large plate glass windows lining the library's east wall, its rays warming the room's wooden paneling and illuminating the cavernous space. Tall bookshelves stuffed with literature from across the world towered over polished oak reading tables, each furnished with a plain, green-shaded banker's lamp. On the far side, a massive painting gracing the west wall depicted the solemn face of Saint Patrick, whose protective presence could be felt watching over the library's sole visitor.

All was perfectly quiet, save for a tap, tap, tapping that echoed in the otherwise silent room. Seated at a desk near t
Gus Number FiveGus Number Five

Jenna and Cindy filled their mouths with watermelon seeds, spitting them fast and hard until the air swarmed with seeds like shiny black dive-bombing gnats. “My seeds are winning,” twelve year old Cin yelled, her thin body tense and urgent with victory.
Jenna just kept spitting seeds. Eight years old, she already knew the seeds that flew the farthest would be Cin's no matter what.
Jenna puckered her mouth preparing for another losing bombardment. Suddenly she paused, lips plump and pouting as the mouth of a painted candy box cupid. Spitting the seeds into her palm, she stared at them for a moment, chewing the
The Last SongDo you think we'll get a last song?

I'm not sure.  This diary I'm writing in is full of holes.  It's sopping like a wet sponge.  It reeks, but what doesn't in the filth and the mess?

Storm's passing.  Not like I've ever seen here.  Even the explosive storms of my youth; running in the fields, the junkyards, the rust-ravaged train tracks of old wasn't quite like this.  

Something's exploded against the skyline.  Orange is reflecting off the glass; the spider-striped, near shattered glass I kicked two weeks ago while mowing the grass.

It might be the gas works.  Or the chemical sheds.  Weyrdstorms do this, you know.  That's what the warning
It Began With Ashes - Prologue.
     "Are we being followed, father?"

     "No, Astartes, we are not being followed."

     "How can you be sure? You didn't even look!" Astartes whined. Struggling to turn in the saddle behind his father, Astartes craned his neck to look back through the night. The dirt track meandered this way and that, winding through the Emberfen Forest. The path was hard to make out amongst the muddy browns of the woodland, made all the more difficult by the thick canopy obscuring the glow of the stars and moon overhead.

     Nicolas shook his head, scratching idly at his flame-red moustache. "Don't let your eyes play tricks on you, son…there's no
tree, fiddler crabIt took days to hollow out the soft parts
of the trunk, dig out the tree-flesh and sap,
polish the raw wood so that when he sat,
there would be no splinters. He carved his name
into the side, like a blessing, a declaration
of good fortune, and stowed his forest inside.
Yet Another Christmas CarolIt was Christmas, celebrated all around Earth - and in Heaven, of course. As for elsewhere...

If you believe for a single second that the devils don't celebrate Christmas, you are, well, right, actually. They keep very quiet about it. Not even a mouse would dare speak about it to the Almighty Fiend, Lucifer. The sole exception to this unspoken rule had happened a few years back on the occasion of a Satanically spiked MTV "Merry Christmas" video which had seemed like a good idea for a few hours. Until it became obvious that it had been a pointless endeavor – those who watched MTV regularly had been mostly unaffected, those who didn't had
Counting the Ringsi

near my sick bed
he murmurs of how he's crumbling
but I'm still here
I've fought so long, I'm here
for a while I trust
I believe this, I must
even when it's bad, because
his faith alone is not enough

my random thoughts of how long
I have, and his thoughts of
"will she be able to outlive me" -
even at moments like this
it happens that
we hold on and speak of a future

ii

rolling restless this early morn'
you exhausted and I
drying up from a virus

spying through the shredding
of 250-thread count bedding,
between the hillocks of your shoulders

we never can sleep
in anticipation for what's to come

to plant the seed and watch it grow
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Fiction 200 Short Story 1I've been labeled many terrible things throughout my lifetime: a murderer, a sinner, a Nazi. I suppose all could be considered true, though it pains me to admit it. At least, that's how I started out. I was drafted as an SS camp guard, stationed in Oswiecim, Poland at which came to be the most horrific site of the time. Auschwitz-Birkenau. I wasn't proud of my job, in fact, I rather hated it. But, all the same, I did what I was assigned. Without mercy. Without thought. I'll admit it, I was the worst of the breed. A murderer, a sinner, and a Nazi. That is, until the day heaven sent me a guide. A guardian angel.

Her name was Eva, a sweet littl
Fiction Writing 200 Drill 1Where I'm From

I am from broken quills and dried up inkwells and paint. I am from history book collections; of World War II and the battles of Korea and legends of Norman conquest. I am from rusty swings and laughing ghosts in memories of children I once knew. I am from toad catching and salamander seeking, and climbing the Catskills just to stand on top and feel small, but free. I am from America with my heart set in Spain. I am from the milkweed paths leading to the stream, hiding the black snakes so I didn't have to live in fear. I am from the Mets and Jets, not the Yankees and Giants. I am from Irish eyes and a Lithuanian smile, and a Ge
When the Snow Turns Red        Pray no more for me when the snow turns red,
When the last flakes of winter find sweet embrace.
When the sparrow's song has all but fled,
And dusk beckons fallen grace.

Mourn not for me when the heart gently slows,
When the last shots of hatred find silenced peace.
When the flag of our fathers in the bitter breeze blows,
And pride's anthems begin to cease.

Cry no more for me as the band marches on,
When the last whisper finds my dying breath.
When the frozen footprints are surely gone,
And honor deals its lost regret.

War is foolish like you and I,
But, darling, need not you cry.
Look for me in memories of

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6th draft-- comments and critique welcome

EDIT #4:

:new: After some speculation and getting some other opinions on the idea, I've decided to combine Chapters 1 and 2 and make them both Chapter 1. They had been essentially two sides to the same coin anyway and I feel like it flows smoother this way rather than as separate pieces. However, this will mean that when Chapter 3 is posted (the NEW chapter), it will go in place of where Chapter 2 is. So, if you're waiting for that, be sure to watch for an update on Chapter 2's slot. Thanks for your patience!


EDIT #3:

My editor at Hachette Book Group finally got around to doing some edits on the opening chapter to make things sound a tad better. I can't thank her enough for the great job she did! We're currently working on expanding the end of this chapter a little more so that Daniel's view of the study can be seen, and I'll end up updating again once it gets included in here. After that, she'll run some more edits on it and hopefully get it to its final polished form for now. As always, feedback is appreciated!


EDIT #2:

A huge thank-you to my lovely girlfriend for helping me with the edits on this :heart: I promised that I would be getting around to posting them soon, and here they are! My apologies again for making everyone wait, since I know a lot of you have been waiting for a few months for Fiction to be updated. I'm hoping that this is the start of other chapters to be posted soon. I'll be sending this chapter off to Miss Finkelstein at Hachette Book Group again to edit this tonight, and I'll probably be updating this again with her edits once I get that done. Again, I thank everyone for their patience and I hope you enjoy the new version of the opening chapter!


EDIT #1:

Added a little more to this chapter like I had planned to. I'm much more pleased with it now that it's not just a shell of what it should have been. I'd really appreciate your comments/critique! ;)

Original Author's Comments:



I finally got around to posting up one of the many versions of the opening chapter to Fiction! I still am not certain if this is the version that I'm going to go with in the end (I'm still debating where exactly I want the story to start), but this is the one that I chose to go with for NaNoWriMo this year. I've got a lot of editing to do on it once this month's over, I know that for certain, but I'd at least prefer some feedback on how it is for an opening for now (and if it flows well with the "Prologue" that I had posted to the novel a few months ago). Like I said, there are many different opening scenes I had written for this story, but this is the one so far that most people have told me to go with.

For those who are interested, here is Fiction's blurb: Daniel Blackburn is a young writer living in London, England in the mid-1800s. Suffering from Tuberculosis, he finds himself growing weaker and no longer able to write his stories, especially when he slips into an opium-induced coma. What Daniel doesn't realize, however, is that when he wakes up, he's in the world from his dreams. Here, he is reunited with Helena, his lover who once upon a time had lost her life-- the very life Daniel tried to preserve in his writing. As Daniel spends more time in his fantasy world, he begins to discover that he's falling even more in love with Helena, and his sickness is starting to fade away. Things go well at first in this beautiful paradise he had created, until Daniel starts realising that there's something dark about his fictional world, and it will stop at nothing to prevent him from returning home to reality.

:star: Looking for more of Fiction?

:pointr: Click here for the Prologue
:pointr: Click here for Chapter 2


Fiction © Dorian J. Harper
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-03-23
=star-blazer neatly establishes characters and setting as part of a larger story in Fiction : Chapter 1.

Also suggested by ~disaster-n-beauty. ( Suggested by ~Eevolution150 and Featured by ^neurotype )
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:icongingersanps:
=Gingersanps May 18, 2013  Student Writer
I saw this on the critique forum in the literature forum. I was reading through it, and it was really well written. I really can't seem to find a problem with it as it is at the moment. I only have to ask is there something you're looking for? As its been through six revisions, is there something you're not sure about? Is something not feeling right or connecting to you? I really did enjoy reading it, and there is not much I can add on with a critique that would help improve it farther.

Lovely piece though, and I will look through the others when I have a chance to do so.
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:iconstar-blazer:
=star-blazer 4 days ago  Professional Writer
Since my laptop's been in the shop and I've only had my phone, I completely forgot to ask you! You said you came from the lit. forums to critique this, so was there a piece that you would like me to critique in return? :aww:
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:icongingersanps:
=Gingersanps 4 days ago  Student Writer
Just take a look through my gallery. I don't mind which one. But, just a warning, there is one in there that was a writing exercise (It was a horror.), so it reads gaudy and copy/past. I plan to rewrite it. But, all things considered, I'd love feedback on all of them.
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:iconstar-blazer:
=star-blazer 4 days ago  Professional Writer
I'll be certain to go through and find a piece for you! :aww:

It may just be a few days since my laptop's in the shop still and I can only message via my phone, so I can't give a proper critique that way ^^; (If you've seen how I usually critique, you'd understand why!)
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:icongingersanps:
=Gingersanps 4 days ago  Student Writer
It's fine. Take your time.
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:iconstar-blazer:
=star-blazer 4 days ago  Professional Writer
(Also, not going to lie :giggle: But when you first commented here I thought you were ~ink-and-opium commenting again. :lol: I'm so used to associating avatars with people I forget to read names!)
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:icongingersanps:
=Gingersanps 4 days ago  Student Writer
Lol. It's fine.
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:iconstar-blazer:
=star-blazer 6 days ago  Professional Writer
Thanks so very much :love:

There wasn't anything in particular that I was looking for or not sure about-- mainly just seeing if there was anything left people were unsure about or confused of, etc. For the most part, this one I think is pretty much polished up (and really just on the forum as the pre-chapter to the second/third chapters I've been needing some revising on that I posted for critique).

I thank you for your comment either way, though! It makes me much more confident that this part is essentially polished for now so I can focus on others :tighthug:
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:iconblackrose-bud:
Mood: Love ~BlackRose-Bud May 4, 2013  New member Hobbyist
I loved your prologue but I love this even more. Your characters are so great. I want to do some art of them some time if that's ok! Do you have references of them? =]
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:iconstar-blazer:
=star-blazer May 4, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you! :blushes:

You really don't have to do art of them, but if you want to, I do have a collection of pieces people have done on my page (right under the folder for this story). You can find all of their references there!

Thank you again for your lovely comments, though! I greatly appreciate them.
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