After some speculation and getting some other opinions on the idea, I've decided to combine Chapters 1 and 2 and make them both Chapter 1. They had been essentially two sides to the same coin anyway and I feel like it flows smoother this way rather than as separate pieces. However, this will mean that when Chapter 3 is posted (the NEW chapter), it will go in place of where Chapter 2 is. So, if you're waiting for that, be sure to watch for an update on Chapter 2's slot. Thanks for your patience!
My editor at Hachette Book Group finally got around to doing some edits on the opening chapter to make things sound a tad better. I can't thank her enough for the great job she did! We're currently working on expanding the end of this chapter a little more so that Daniel's view of the study can be seen, and I'll end up updating again once it gets included in here. After that, she'll run some more edits on it and hopefully get it to its final polished form for now. As always, feedback is appreciated!
A huge thank-you to my lovely girlfriend for helping me with the edits on this I promised that I would be getting around to posting them soon, and here they are! My apologies again for making everyone wait, since I know a lot of you have been waiting for a few months for Fiction to be updated. I'm hoping that this is the start of other chapters to be posted soon. I'll be sending this chapter off to Miss Finkelstein at Hachette Book Group again to edit this tonight, and I'll probably be updating this again with her edits once I get that done. Again, I thank everyone for their patience and I hope you enjoy the new version of the opening chapter!
Added a little more to this chapter like I had planned to. I'm much more pleased with it now that it's not just a shell of what it should have been. I'd really appreciate your comments/critique!
Original Author's Comments:
I finally got around to posting up one of the many versions of the opening chapter to Fiction! I still am not certain if this is the version that I'm going to go with in the end (I'm still debating where exactly I want the story to start), but this is the one that I chose to go with for NaNoWriMo this year. I've got a lot of editing to do on it once this month's over, I know that for certain, but I'd at least prefer some feedback on how it is for an opening for now (and if it flows well with the "Prologue" that I had posted to the novel a few months ago). Like I said, there are many different opening scenes I had written for this story, but this is the one so far that most people have told me to go with.
For those who are interested, here is Fiction's blurb: Daniel Blackburn is a young writer living in London, England in the mid-1800s. Suffering from Tuberculosis, he finds himself growing weaker and no longer able to write his stories, especially when he slips into an opium-induced coma. What Daniel doesn't realize, however, is that when he wakes up, he's in the world from his dreams. Here, he is reunited with Helena, his lover who once upon a time had lost her life-- the very life Daniel tried to preserve in his writing. As Daniel spends more time in his fantasy world, he begins to discover that he's falling even more in love with Helena, and his sickness is starting to fade away. Things go well at first in this beautiful paradise he had created, until Daniel starts realising that there's something dark about his fictional world, and it will stop at nothing to prevent him from returning home to reality.
I saw this on the critique forum in the literature forum. I was reading through it, and it was really well written. I really can't seem to find a problem with it as it is at the moment. I only have to ask is there something you're looking for? As its been through six revisions, is there something you're not sure about? Is something not feeling right or connecting to you? I really did enjoy reading it, and there is not much I can add on with a critique that would help improve it farther.
Lovely piece though, and I will look through the others when I have a chance to do so.
Since my laptop's been in the shop and I've only had my phone, I completely forgot to ask you! You said you came from the lit. forums to critique this, so was there a piece that you would like me to critique in return?
Just take a look through my gallery. I don't mind which one. But, just a warning, there is one in there that was a writing exercise (It was a horror.), so it reads gaudy and copy/past. I plan to rewrite it. But, all things considered, I'd love feedback on all of them.
I'll be certain to go through and find a piece for you!
It may just be a few days since my laptop's in the shop still and I can only message via my phone, so I can't give a proper critique that way (If you've seen how I usually critique, you'd understand why!)
There wasn't anything in particular that I was looking for or not sure about-- mainly just seeing if there was anything left people were unsure about or confused of, etc. For the most part, this one I think is pretty much polished up (and really just on the forum as the pre-chapter to the second/third chapters I've been needing some revising on that I posted for critique).
I thank you for your comment either way, though! It makes me much more confident that this part is essentially polished for now so I can focus on others
You really don't have to do art of them, but if you want to, I do have a collection of pieces people have done on my page (right under the folder for this story). You can find all of their references there!
Thank you again for your lovely comments, though! I greatly appreciate them.
So I decided to open
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it's with Izka again
^^; what can I do, I
love her so so
much!!But this time
a quite short and
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as Chibi!!I really
hope you will be
wanted to put a cute
Izka on my page to
welcome all visitors
but I couldn't c...
Hello and welcome
everyone to another
issue of our Manga
and Anime Artist of
the Month! I'm
to announce that
May's Artist of the
month award goes to
Ever since I met
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Year II - Issue
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More